Chapter Two

JOY

last updated 4.16.25



Happiness and joy are similar feelings. They are, also, very subjective so to some people the words could be interchangeable, but I'm going to distinguish them by describing joy as something a person experiences and happiness is something a person creates. Joy is the short game and happiness is the long. Joy is a quick burst of a positive feeling while happiness is a more sustained positive existence that encompasses one's life. Joy is like diving into a lake on a warm sunny day. Happiness is the warm sunny day. However, it's important to point out that they are not dependent on each other.

I'd almost describe the feeling which we're calling "joy" as a phenomenon because it happens spontaneously and involuntarily. It literally happens to a person. They don't create it nor can they control it. It's like laughter. When someone laughs, it is practically out of their control. I say "practically" because if a person tries hard enough they can force themself not to laugh. When someone makes us laugh, we like it. We, often, like the person, as well, because they "make" us laugh. Like joy, laughter is a similar phenomenon because it happens to us. They go hand and hand. Our joy is often expressed through laughter.

Imagine that you are in the middle of a hopeless situation and even though you feel utterly miserable, a friend stops by and somehow finds a way to make you laugh. Your friend may not be able to save you from the situation, but for a few seconds they manage to give you a brief vacation from it. Something about your friend's sense of humor is able to tap into a part of yourself that you cannot for some reason access alone and this is where the laughter comes from. Of course, laughter is even more enjoyable when we're not in a miserable situation, but I use this example to demonstrate how independent of circumstances joy and laughter are. What if you could access this part of yourself whenever you wanted? Maybe there's a divine reason why it's so difficult to do this alone. We might not value our relationships with others as much. We are social creatures.

Many people when asked what they want out of life will say "I just want to be happy." A lot of these people may believe that by achieving their goals they will somehow become happy even though understanding happiness, itself, isn't one of these goals. Some may even experience joy on a regular basis. Some may not, but for those who do, these experiences may reassure them that happiness is like joy and will just happen automatically all by itself.

Joy is not a choice. We have no control over this experience. It just happens. It spills out of us. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen regularly enough to fill our entire day convincing us that we are finally happy. Why are children, puppies, kittens, etc. so fun to be around? Because they're full of joy. They haven't lived long enough to become joyless. They're young and their link to happiness and joy hasn't been broken, yet. Later, I'll present the basic tools on how to get back to this place and how to maintain it, but, right now, it's crucial to realize that joy is not a result of accomplishments, success, talent, intelligence, money, appearance or approval. Yes, it does require a little effort like moving boxes out from in front of a window to let the sunshine in, but you can't pay or hire someone to do this for you. You can't buy your way to joy. You can't do anything other than get out of its way by moving whatever has been put in the way. It's no different than when a friend makes you laugh. You didn't do anything other than sit there and let it happen. Rather than a relationship a person has with a friend, joy can happen more often as a result of improving the relationship a person has with life. We've got nothing to do with life. We didn't choose to be born. Life happened to us and so can joy. Let it. It starts by clearing your table.



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